on October 15, 2016
I'm seriously terrible about writing as frequently as I want to, but the last month has been bananas. I've been swamped (in a good way) with Etsy orders and we adopted our second pup; sweet, but crazy, Maisie. I've been feeling the need to write though, because while things are seemingly so good I'm struggling.
I know a large part of my struggle is the weather change. I feel the seasonal shift all too painfully every year and it just gets worse as we head into the seemingly never-ending dark, wet winter. I feel slow and unmotivated even though I'm bursting at the seams with inspirational and gratifying work. It feels like I'm just not myself as I slog through the days.
The pups have been my saviors lately. They force me outside everyday (no matter the weather) for a run and keep the darkness at bay with their goofy antics. There is truly nothing like a dog's love. They deal with all my bullshit and don't love me any less. Griffey has always been and always will be my soul dog, but adding Maisie to the family has been a blessing. She's completely full of love and endless energy. She and Griffey bonded almost immediately and have become inseparable.
I've always wanted two dogs, but we really adopted her for Griff. Like me, he suffers from anxiety, like I said he's my soul dog. We've done literally everything under the sun to try and help him, but nothing has helped ease his fears. Well, nothing until we got Maisie. He's not cured by any means, but I've seen him take strides that nothing else has been able to do for him. It makes my heart happy to see him at his best and know we've given her a loving home where she can feel safe.
I'm not quite sure what to do about this slump I've been in, but at least I've got my pups to keep dragging my butt outside and my stitching to keep me busy. I could list out all the things I should be happy about, but the idea of that makes me grumpy. Positivity has not really been my thing as of late. I know it should be, but it's not and it never will be without a struggle.
Maybe I need to up my meds, but I don't really want to. I have felt like I was finally in a good place with them except for the insane dreams they give me. It's really the only side effect I have anymore; thankfully no more nausea, headaches, or anxiety. The best way I can describe the dreams are freakishly vibrant and realistic. I don't get them every night, but when I do I sleep like crap. They are so intense I often wake up completely freaked out wondering if they actually happened or not. Anyone else had this fun side effect from antidepressants? It's bizarre and hard to explain to others even though I frequently tell my husband my crazy dreams just to make sure it didn't actually happen.
For now, I'll hope for a sunny day to help pull me out of the darkness.